What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 01.07.2025 03:57
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
In what ways Indian parents are destroying their children's life?
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I waited trembling.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I said to her
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
My life is so biszare .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Why is Russia always right? All eyes toward Russian glory!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Who then, do I blame.?
Are LGBT people accepted in Japan?
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Why did i forgive my father ?
Samsung users aren’t lining up for One UI 8 Beta like One UI 7 - Sammy Fans
We all went to grammer schools
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Is anyone else losing complete respect for the US at this point?
Where the ultimate outsiders.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
She wouldn,t have been !
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
She found it foreign!.
Comes on , in middle age.
This is soul school!.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I was scared of men, in general
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He resisted the act ,that day.
Ive learnt so much.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I don,t even have a pension.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I will be 64.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I never cut or harmed myself..
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I was seconnd youngest,
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Would this be the day?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Especially a lifetime of it.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I think the readers, may guess!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
One cannot live in the past .
He knew the spot.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
So, i spoilt her more .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I was 9 years of age.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
But it wasn’t much.
And i lived it daily.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
All the time i was locked up.
I have no regrets .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I could never make a relationship work though!
Was to survive, this bastard.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
She was in good health!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
My family never makes their pension either.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I was very sick at this time too.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
She loved him until the end.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
So whats the point in blame.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
She married twice! .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I couldn’t, believe it.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Im still living with it.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
When she asked me how she looked .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
What did i know ?
(And it was in our own minds.)
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
But, we were locked up after school.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Put me off passion for life!!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
It was going to be , some day.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I write beautiful poetry .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
We were not on the streets..
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
As i do to all so called friends.?
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
But ive been too sick for many years..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.